8:30pm Depression

I had about $120 in my account and I wanted to make more money for tomorrow, so I put $66.49 into modo casino for their 50 free spins offer plus about $70 something SC.

I got like $3.09 from the free spins on the 2500x Apple game from 3 Oaks, then I lost the rest of the funds on some other games.

Desperate to get my money back, I brought a $45.99 package that granted me $50 SC, I lost that as well.

So now I feel very depressed and I won't get more money till like Tuesday.

I didn't want to lose this money, I had plans for tomorrow.

I feel useless.

This is what I was telling my therapist earlier today, when I'm tired things go downhill and I lose my money, I lose my impulse control.

I feel so depressed, I spent so long getting that money, Surveys, Swagbucks, ect.

Now I need to start from the beginning.

I hate these gambling sites, they all need to be shut down, the return on investment is a lie, you just 100% lose it all, all the time.

Thanks for reading.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Swanson Ovarian Glandular WARNING! 9 Months on Bovine Ovary Transgender M2F Trans Feminization Review

Image
Greetings, this is a review of the Swanson Ovarian Glandular capsules. I've purchased these from Amazon in mid July 2020 because I secretly wanted to feminize my masculine body. When the pills arrived in the mail I was very exited and ran back to the house and discreetly hid the pills in my drawer.  We were going on a trip, so I hid the pills in my backpack. I soon took my first pill, at approximately 6:07 PM EST 7/27/2020 I'm not sure how the first pill was exactly, however, I had a schedule I would follow, and I would take about 1 or 2 pill(s) a day, then I soon increased the dosage to 3 a day. It wasn't long before I've consumed my first bottle of the bovine ovary pills, I ordered more directly through Swanson Health, I was afraid of running out of bottles, so I would just order more, and more and more. I've spent roughly $147.01 US Dollars in Swanson Ovarian Glandular Pills  from swansonvitamins.com alone.  The Multi-Glandular For Women tablets totaled ...
Read more

Nearly killed myself a couple of days ago by attempting self-castration, again.

Image
Though I nearly killed myself a couple of days ago by attempting self-castration, again. I'm feeling much better, thanks to y'all positive messages & family talk last night. Thank you all to those who have helped me with my difficult feelings and thoughts of mutilation and death. It is true that we can't risk death on doing self-surgery. These gender surgeries can be done professionally. Last night, my family discussed with me getting actual gender surgery in January after my spine surgery in November. I'm grateful that I'm still alive. Depression mixed with desperation is a true beast. It leads me to dangers ideas and actions. Please be easy on the negative feedback y'all, I take things very literally thanks to my body dysphoria and OCD. Like in 2020, when someone committed about me not being 'beautiful',  I took it to the extreme and took life threatening online-brought breast growth pills for 9 months straight  until I couldn't tak...
Read more

TransFeminine Failed DIY Castration Attempt Elastrator Fail.

Image
Greetings, Just to let y'all know. My DIY Gender Surgery: Surgical Supplies Unboxing Video I was going to perform self-surgery last night. The plan was to ultimately remove / kill my testicles. I've lost count of how many times I've attempted this. But, this time, I had the proper equipment. In my research, I've learned that many have bleed out or died. Thanks to lots of research and learning about animal castration methods,  I aimed for an alternative amputation technique. I was going to band and stitch together the top area,  creating a seal and blocking off excess blood from flowing out of my body. The lower portion under the seal, which would be the genitalia, would essentially die off from no circulation. After wound healing on the top portion, I'll remove the lower portion. That was essentially the safest and easiest solution. I had purchased a castration tool specifically made for doing this. I also received other medical supplies such as stitches...
Read more