MintCoaTea

1:39pm  So earlier today I had a dream that I went to the mental hospital. I didn't get dinner there. Also, I was telling the staff about the cost of stuff, and one of them mentioned that they paid $125 yesterday. Also, in my dream today or yesterday, my scalp was peeling off. Additionally in my dream, a very emotional scene. My Mommy was a ghost, she had three markings on the back of her neck.  She cried, she thought she was a demon, I reassured her that no, she's my friend. That cheered her up. Stuff has been emotional in real life, I'm living a nightmare. I cried so much in my gaming chair bed and was going through intense suicidal ideation over the realization that I could have paid for the storage but I ruined my chance by attempting to make more money now I've damaged my family even more, I just want somebody to kill me. I thought in my mind, "Mommy, please take me. And Mommy was like, no my daughter Alan.". That was pretty touching. Also, my...

I feel like I'm done fighting. Things just aren't getting better. My Mom's gone, my family's and I's storage is about to go to auction, I failed to get those jobs and build wealth to prevent this stuff. On top of that, my throat is itchy, probably from the weird chocolate sauce they put on my frosty, but I don't even care about my tight throat right now, I'm only focused on how horrible my life is right now.  I have a new phone arriving in the mail and I barely look forward to it.  I thought that ordering a new phone with my collection of eBay gift cards would cheer me up, it did temporarily, momentarily, but you know, reality keeps hitting me. I provided one last update to my Android video game "Simple Octopus Swim Sim" earlier, because I know that I won't be able to work on it again for a while or at all, but I just wanted to update it one last time, because it means a lot to me, I built my company SquidMetry from the ground up. I built a bus...

I lost $85 on Modo Casino, $129 on Spree and $69 on SpinBlitz. I still have a $100 redemption on LoneStarCasino pending, I decided not to cancel it because I really need that one to pull through to pay my $45 wifi bill tomorrow. I tried to make $300 more to pay the storage fee, so my brother took me to Walmart because I told him that I needed to get money on a card to pay the wifi bill. I took my $350 in cash for the Walmart Money card. There was a dollar fee, I was going to pay it but then my brother paid it for me so I thanked him. The Walmart visa card was weird, I couldn't transfer money to my other bank. I also tried yo buy the $50 for $100 pack at Yay Casino, but the card didn't work there so that's when I tried to transfer my money to a another card, but it didn't work. I did manage to get the $80 pack of coins for $49 at LoneStarCasino, though, and withdrew at $100. I deposited $85 at Modo, made $120, tried to make more but eventually lost most of it. Depicted $...

I updated my Game Simple Octopus Swim Sim, and I added more coins and an additional color that the Octopus can change into, I added the color Lavender to honor my Mother because she love(d) the color lavender.  Also, earlier today I dreamt about Star Lord of Guardians of the Galaxy letting the altar know of Gamora passing and making it adamant to write down everything that they knew about Gamora. I guess to keep her legacy alive.  I also then dreamt about this brown lady at our house, I guess she did our hair and suggested that I take a warm shower with this other girl, Maya. I felt honored to be able to take showers with the other girls, I felt so welcomed as a woman. Although, in the end I took my shower solo. Also, the bath temperature was at 103 degrees F. There was some confusion earlier between the hair lady and I. I thought she meant the temperature would be at 190 F., but that wasn't the case, as she said it'll be burning. Also, Mommy was towards the end of my dream an...

Due to SpinPals, I've lost another $14.99 from my Chime Overdraft. I feel so sad. Also, earlier today after my brother paid to extend my Mom's jewelry because he had enough in the end and it was only $148, my brother stopped the car by Advant Health because he and my 2nd youngest sis was worried about me because I kept having outbursts of screaming and blaming myself. They almost checked me in, but I talked my way out of it. I felt so guilty that I couldn't pay for the storage and that I couldn't save Mommy, so guilty in fact that I wanted to end it all. I told them that I was going to die 9 years ago, but I didn't. Then my 2nd youngest sis said, "There's a reason for that". I thanked her. My youngest sibling talked about Plants with me on the way back home, so I thanked her for that because it was helpful. Also, when I was telling my brother that I still have a bond with Daddy, I began to tear up. I was like, "I know we don't always see eye t...

I hate myself. I lost another $20 due to Chumba Casino. I did manage to get it up to about $48, but then I tried to make more money, but instead I failed miserably. I feel so sick and awful. Thanks for reading.