TransFeminine Failed DIY Castration Attempt Elastrator Fail.

Greetings, Just to let y'all know.

My DIY Gender Surgery: Surgical Supplies Unboxing Video

I was going to perform self-surgery last night.

The plan was to ultimately remove / kill my testicles.

I've lost count of how many times I've attempted this.

But, this time, I had the proper equipment.

In my research, I've learned that many have bleed out or died.

Thanks to lots of research and learning about animal castration methods, 

I aimed for an alternative amputation technique.

I was going to band and stitch together the top area, 

creating a seal and blocking off excess blood from flowing out of my body.

The lower portion under the seal, which would be the genitalia, would essentially die off from no circulation.

After wound healing on the top portion, I'll remove the lower portion.

That was essentially the safest and easiest solution.

I had purchased a castration tool specifically made for doing this.

I also received other medical supplies such as stitches, antiseptic, scalpels, pliers, tweezers, and scissors.

I was ready to go through with it last night, 

and I already said my good nights and had things in order if the diy surgery were to go wrong, and if I were to die.

However, the Tylenol I took right before made me feel really bad. 

So, it's not a good idea to take Tylenol when tired. It causes a weird effect. I tested my own blood in my chest for a second, and I would also move slowly.

I was also dehydrated.

So, I figured my body wasn't fit enough that moment to heal from the trauma of cutting of blood circulation, 

let alone heal from internal amputation.

I was so messed up from the Tylenol, that instead of doing the surgery,

I just went to bed after eating some dinner. I didn't even get to shower.

I then went to bed. 

In the morning.

I told online friends about it, and they were concerned and urged me not to go through with the self-surgery.

Another friend gave me resources, and very good advice and words of encouragement.

So, after all the warnings and positive feedback from people,

I ultimately reconsidered not to do the self-surgery again.

I then took an early afternoon shower. 

I thought the less I can do is shave, that's kinda like surgery.

So, I shaved a lot of places.

I also shaved groin area, and then I noticed that I've cut myself in that area, but I continued. The blood and pain was satisfying for me.

I eventually finished the shower.

The relief pain brought was only temporary.

And yes, I was very depressed about not going through with the diy operation.

I've studied a long time and spent a lot of money on this.

So, I felt like that effort got taken away, and now I'm back to the beginning with even less than before.

I then noticed some more messages from my friends, so that cheered me up.

One of them emphasized that they were happy I realized the dangers of going through with it. They were happy that I didn't do it.

So, that made me happier, and I let my friend know that.

[[Please reschedule out to 988 if you're having feelings of depression or suicidal thoughts.]]

Anyway, why I'm I telling y'all this?

I think it is important to let y'all know how desperate and persistent I can become with perfection.

And I believe that having this information would bring some closure if I were to die suddenly.

And if I did die, the cause would likely be unnatural and unpreventable.

The reasons why I've even come so far in these experiments is becsuse I'm going to die anyway. No one really knows when death would happen, so we just live for the present.

Anyway, don't worry about me, I'm just letting y'all know in advance and providing some updates. Also, writing about this has made me feel better and less alone.

I'm likely not going to do anything life threatening unless I know how to make it out alive.

That's why research is so important.

Anyway, I hope y'all have a phenomenal week.

Thank you so much for reading my emotional log. 🌸🦋💕

Alan / Alna / MintCoaTea