9:28pm observations

I had hopes for 2026; however it's just been mostly tragedy and sadness so far. There's been good things, but I've been consumed by the bad things, my mind is just always numb, I feel like I'm already in hell, I'm not sure if this life is 100% real or not, or just some torture test.

December/January: Evictions and hotel living.

February: we move back to our abandoned house with the holes in the roof, then a bigger hole forms and a big section of the roof falls off. This gets fixed end of March.

March: I go to the mental hospital because I felt like I ruined my family's life and I couldn't live with myself.

My Mom goes to the ER weeks later.

April: My Mother passes away, I become heart broken and go to the mental hospital again.

May: My first birthday without my Mom, so it felt like hell and also my mind wasn't feeling too well.

Also in May, my Mom's funeral, a lot of people were crying, but I was so out of it by then that I was actually smiling because I knew that this life is all just a simulation and I will get my revenge on God and accomplices.

June: Therapy sessions galore.

July/August: More Therapy sessions, the power goes out for weeks, my laptop of 3 years d1es and I'm devastated.

September: I worked very hard to earn money, but then I lost it all to scammy websites, later that month I start my new/old job.


October: I earn money again, lose it to scummy websites, work hard, but the pay is low, feel bad about myself, write a lot in blog, get scammed again trying to make more money, feel bad, hate on myself, write in blog.

Also, a guy added support material to the support beams of the roof earlier today, that was pretty cool.

I don't know, why this year has been such a struggle, such a battle.

You know,

I thought that more money would make me happy, so I aquire a job, I do online things, I get paid... Still feel empty, and when I spend my money I feel even worse than before because now my money is gone. 

There's no end to this, it feels. 

I feel like some dark energy is trying to push me to my breaking point by putting me through endless tragedies and failures.

I'm not sure how to win or escape this, but I've been trying and I never fully gave up, I believe that I will find salvation again despite the darkness and setbacks.

Thanks.

#TransGirl
#GothGirl
#EmoGirl
#Artists

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