6:21pm E-Shopping

I ordered doordash because I won like $17 in DoorDash credits yesterday or so, so I used it today to order McDonald's to cheer me up from my severe depression, but alas the coffee was an iced mocha coffee instead of a mocha frap coffee like I envisioned, and it tasted very bitter and gross so I had to spit it out into the straw, it was like using a straw in reverse.

Also, I ordered pads for my 2nd eldest sister, she was happy to see them and she thanked me, I think.

Also, she reviewed the package and she said it was too thin, so I apologized and let her know that it can be used in the meantime; it's only temporary.

She then thanked me via text.

My sis was then picked up by our Daddy.

I then received a text from my sis asking if we're going to the store, so then I let her know that I can ship her tampons.

I soon ordered the tampons she sent me a text about earlier and I also ordered thicker pads, I hope they're thicker.

Also... I ordered some chocolate candy.

That's about what's left of my money, but that's what it is meant for, being used for trade and survival.

So that's why when I lose money to risky investments like online casinos, I feel so sad, angry at my myself, depressed, fearful and useless.

I want to always have money so I can always solve problems and be seen as useful and helpful.

When I'm stipped of that, I feel so, so useless, and I feel like it's all my fault and I should just cease to exist and the urge to hurt myself just grows and grows, and it feels so overwhelming. It takes so much willpower for me not to seriously hurt myself, because everyday I feel like hurting myself, especially today when I once again, bloody lost it! ):

Anyway, if you feel depressed, please call 988.

Thanks for reading. 
I didn't win anything on the McDonald's card, but writing this does remind me to take HRT.

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