7:51pm

I spoke with my therapist about how I'm ahead, but then slip back, so many times that I've come to the conclusion many times that I'm actually in hell. 

Anway, about 10 minutes before six I was finished speaking with my therapist because I had to cut our conversation short and reschedule for next week because I had to head out with my eldest brother and 2nd eldest sis.



I used the $33 in GrubHub to get us Wendy's and stuff.

Then I transferred $24 something to the black card so my brother can pay for the gas.

I felt pretty optimistic about today, things were looking up.

Then we dropped off my 2nd eldest sis at her workplace.

I had so many thoughts in my head about money and expenses,

so then I cancled my $195 redemption at CardCrush in hopes of making more money because the bills and expenses were pilling up so much and I still owed many bills.

I ended up turning my $195 into $228 with Gravity Roulette.

I knew I had to withdraw at least $200, but I thought that I can control my bankroll so that way my $200 isn't touched.

I went down to $174, so that made me think that I still have $74 to play with since I won't go below my original $100 investment.

I went down to $99, so then I thought that I have nothing to lose now and I most try my best to make it back to $200.


When I was playing earlier and turned my $195 into $228, I felt pretty lucky, but then my luck took a turn for the worst as I began to rapidly fail. I did manage to win a $30 win with my last few coins on 0. But afterwards it was just loss after loss, pretty much until my balance hit 0.

Thanks for reading, 

I hate myself so much right now, I just tried to make things better, however I'm just making things worse.

Yes, this is most definitely hell.

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