10:53pm

I feel so distraught, I lost like $1,100.

It started with me receiving my $900 something in winnings earlier today from WinBonanza, so I put $600 into LoneStarCasino, redeemed $729.

I then went to work, finished training and graduated, it was a success. Except for some of the customers being jerks, although a lot of them were nice. A customer miss heard my name as "An", she said that I was a nice lady, So that was affirming for me.

Anyway, after work, I then saw an offer on Winbonanza offering $45 dollars more. So you buy a $149.99 pack and get $195. I brought it and got up to like $312, but I lost it all and felt bad.


I then cancled my redemption at LoneStarCasino and made it back, so I turned $729 into about $1,100+ but then I slowly lost it all down to $0.12 cents.

When my balance when was down to the $100 range I felt the same sinking feeling in my groin as in my dream, until I won $395 so I was back up to like $495, until I lost it again.

I also got a $25 bonus on Crowncoinscasino and made it up to like $70 then lost it all.

So yes, this wasn't supposed to happen.

I wish my redemptions can be locked as soon as I redeem so I can't cancel and lose it all.

Now I feel disgusted with myself and so depressed.

At the very least I was able to buy a bunch of stuff earlier today for my siblings and some groceries.

I hate gambling when tired, because I just take way too much risk.

Thanks for reading.

Update:

11:48pm

I feel extremely depressed right now.

I brought another coin pack, one for $19.99 on Yay casino, which grants $40 of SC coins. I lost it all.

I brought a $25 dollar pack which granted $29 on Chumba worked it up to $50 something then lost it.

I had $4 left on Winbonanza, I lost that.

I felt zucid@l at one point, then I noticed that the time was 11:39pm, I love ammonintes and the hunger 39 represents ammonites to me, so I kept going.

Also, I had like $7 left on one card, so I used that for a $5 pack at Fortunecoins and I lost that as well, leaving my card account at $2.39.

I'm like super depressed right now.

At least I got the $93 laptop installment paid for earlier today.

I'm not too sure what will happen to the wifi and my health insurance bill, though.

Gosh, I hate myself, I'm ahead, so ahead, at one point, then when I try to get further I just burn up and crumble to dust.

I wish I could just d1e, you know. This life is just agonizing. 

The only things that makes it worthwhile would have to be my siblings and my hobbies.

My siblings, gosh. They're the reason why I'm still here actually. Sometimes when I think of ending it, I hesitate and imagine how sad they'll be, so I don't do it.

Thanks for reading, and please call 988 if you feel depressed as well.

Also, I actually was thinking of quitting the online casinos, but I wanted to make a little more money first, ironically I ended up losing it all, almost. I'm so angry and sad with myself right now. I have now is pain.

11:59pm.

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