2:04pm I lost about everything

I was so happy when my $1,924 finally came in about last week or so and I have planned to ban myself from buying new purchases from the online casinos. However, the expenses and bills were pilling up and I've so far have spent hundreds on groceries and gas and stuff, I wanted my money not to disappear entirely, so I've brought casino packages with good bones like something percent extra.

That way I can make my money last longer, and it worked until 2 days ago when I lost $347, so I cancled my $161 redemption at RealPrize to try and make it back, I did make it back but I wanted to make $9 more so it can be even to what I've lost. Then I lost it all, $500 something.

So then I went to LoneStarCasino and brought several coin packages. I made back the $500, but I had to play through like $325 still to redeem the rest. I lost that. I cancled my $890 redemption, then I played it and got to like $1000, I tried to make it back to $1500, but I lost it down to like $20-$60, but then later yesterday night after hours of continuous play, I got it back to $910, but I was still down like $600, so I tried my best to win it back and I just lost it all.

So last night I put $100 into Chumba casino and got it up to like $220, then went to sleep, then today I put $50 into Winbonanza and made like $130, but then lost it all.

I then go back to Chumba, I eventually get my balance to $340, but the games there got pretty bad with awful <3x bonuses and several no win spins, heck I had better luck on roulette.

So yes, I lost the $340 on Chumba as well, but not before redeeming $25 in Starbucks and another $25 in DoorDash gift cards earlier when my balance was at $200, to which I then grew the then $150 post gc redemption into $340+

Additionally, I'm greatful that I've taken out a couple hundred in cash at least so I at least have cash on me still.

I feel so awful, I could have paid the electricity bill and my laptop off, but I tried to make my money last by making more off of it, and that didn't go very well for me in the end.

I hate when I try to make money when I'm tired, my ideas always lead to horrible outcomes.

I'll be paying my phone bill with a loan today.

Also, while writing this my older brother called me to ask if there was $20 available for my eldest sister to get pizza before her work. 

It pained me because I didn't even have that much left on my card, I just wasn't sure. But I was able to send him $15 in the end, the $16 transfer attempt failed due to insignificant funds. Gosh, I hate myself. I hate myself so much.

This absolutely sux, my life does.

Thanks for reading.

Me right now

More Optimistic me earlier when I still had at least $200-$300 on those online Casinos, I was feeling optimistic to make it back to $1K.

Update 2:58pm, I used like my last $79 on my other card to make $730 something, so I feel optimistic again.

Thanks for reading!

Update: 404pm

While on call with my therapist after discussing the stress of keep trying to provide for my family and that I had to pay for so many thighs growing up because my father didn't have a job at times,

My dad called, so I decided to end the call with my therapist and we setup a reschedule.

My father wanted to tell me that the guy wanted to buy his software, also my Daddy needed $30-$20 for food.

I was able to find it, and I sent it to him.

He asked me how I have so much money, do you get it from...

Then I said, I do surveys and stuff (I thought of saying investing).

I setup my bank app in record time and sent him the funds. We thanked each other, and I told him that I love him, he said I love you too.

So I was like, aw thank you ♡

Also, it's funny because like earlier while trying to recover my gambling winning losses by gambling even more I thought to myself,

"I just want to be successful like Daddy".

Then I thought, but he lives in a hotel.

It was humbling and touching being able to give him money to support him today. It was pretty cool having him ask me, and I was able to help ♡

Thanks for reading!