11:22pm

So, I saw that Yay casino had an offer of $100 for $50, so I went for it, lost it. Then I cancled my $202 redemption on LoneStarCasino trying to chase my $2,000 something, I lost it. So far today I've lost like $2,310. 

All the money that I've worked so hard for and won and worked hard for during the past couple of months, all gone.

I feel like k!lling myself. 

Please call 988 if you feel similar. 

Thanks for reading.

11:26pm

Update, at 11:46pm I lost another $44 something at Crowncoinscasino, I'm pretty much broke now and still need to make payments for my bills. I'm so depressed.

I always purge almost all my money when I'm tired. I try to make more money, lose like $100, get scared and try to make it back only to lose my entire savings.

I hate myself, I wish that I can just die, why I'm I even letting this struggle continue on. I feel so blessed to be alive sometimes, but right now I feel like my life is a curse.

I get ahead a little bit, only to go several steps backwards. I even spoke with my therapist earlier today, so that was cool.

That was before I lost the $1,760, I just lost like $500 then, or a little more than that.

Gosh, if I can go back, I'd just pay the $100 debt and not try to make extra money to essentially make the payment free.

I just hate myself right now, I'm just suffering everyday and I hate it.

Thanks for reading again.

11:57pm.

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