12:30am I lost $182

I won and lost $182 within 8 hours. I feel like ending my self even more now. Yes, I was correct, God always let's me down.

I worked up my $1 free play in LoneStarCasino to $105.89, lost the $5.89, no problem, withdrew again at $100.

Wanted something to do again in the meantime so I played at SpinPals, worked the free play up all the way to like $77+ but lost it all when trying to reach the withdrawal minimum of $100.

I felt awful, I wanted to win it back so I canceled my LoneStarCasino redemption winnings of $100, and watched in horror as my balance shrunk to nothing.

Now I feel like ending my life even more.

Please call 988 if you feel similar. Thank you.
In other news, I brought 2 bars of $1.50 dove soap and a turkey pan and chicken drumsticks with my last $15 dollars or so, earlier today, now I'm like broke again.

It's funny, you go from wealthy-ish, to broke and suicidal-ish so quickly in this world and economy.

What's also funny is, the money didn't make a difference. Before I lost all my casino balance I was still thinking of ending it. 

That's it, making money just serves as a distraction for me.
A distraction to feel useful, a distraction to feel needed and not feel suicidal, so when I feel I simply go back to misery.

Anyway, Thanks for reading.

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