9:53pm I lost $69.99 x I'm at a low point.

I feel so depressed right now.

Earlier today I bet $0.50 on 6 on gravity roulette using the free daily dollar you get on SpinQuest, with that I worked my balance up to like $36 dollars using various games and roulette. I eventually lost it all.

I still had $73 left from my $103 deposit that came in from Pulz today.

Megabonanza had a deal for $91 for $69.99.

I saw that Megabonanza had live games, so I went ahead and brought the package.

I didn't know that gravity roulette wasn't available though, just regular roulette, so it didn't have the multipliers and stuff.

I also played some games I wasn't quite used to such as sic bo and jack black. The sic bo I was a bit more accustomed to so I won more on that.

The slots were brutal, endless dead spins.

I finished off my session with roulette, trying to win back all the money I've lost yesterday, because let's face it, gambling is like one of my main sources of income at this point.

Nothing else in my life has come close to how much I've made with gambling.

But, it's a double edge sword, I've lost much more than I've earned.

Anyway, I lost my money. And now I feel so sad, and ashamed. I was so ahead, but now I'm behind. 

I got my phone plan paid for at least, but not my health insurance as yet.

This life, it sux so bad.

Please call 911 if you feel similar.

I feel like I've ruined everything.

I've had a prepared all the funds for our trip to Miami for the convention.

I've made hundreds with these online casinos, and it kills me that I'm now in an endless loss cycle.

Why I'm I losing so bad when it matters most?

I feel like I've let my 2nd youngest sister down, and my whole remnants of my family.

I'm always 10:04pm (my 2nd youngest sis opened the door to my dark room to check on me. She asked what I'm I doing? So I said, oh, I'm just writing.).

Anyway, as I was saying, I'm always messing things up trying to make things better and it annoys me so much.

Also, I didn't get the Verizon job, unfortunately as stated in an email today.

I hope I get the staples job, though.

I don't know, this life is just torture hard to navigate right now.

How do you continue to live when you know you've destroyed your own family?

Thanks for reading.

10:08pm.

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