3:29am I feel so depressed.

Earlier, after my Mom's funeral I noticed that I finally received the incentive payment for the women of color study that I completed in February. It took a while but I was glad to finally receive the $155, my bank was hounding me for the overdraft fee, I had to get $45 in my bank that day to cover the internet payment. So then I deposited $140 into realprize for their $170 pack. Realprize offers withdrawals straight to debit card, so I thought that'll be a great solution to move my gift card to my bank account via prize withdrawal. I ended up turning my original $140 investment into $200, then I lost it down to like $10, then I worked it up to $150 over the course of several hours. I still had $15 on my gift card, so I put $10 into chumba casino, but then I lost. I felt bad, so then I decided to chase my losses by canceling my redemption and try to make $10 extra. I ended up losing my $150.16 down to $0.06 cents. Now I feel like killing myself. I was ahead, but then I felt the need to try and make more and I lost it all within under an hour or so. That $155 took me months to receive ): and I still need to pay off $45 somehow, and the $780 storage unit.

Please call 988 if you're feeling suicidal, thank you.

At least I still have like $5 left on my card to buy something for myself.

It's a shame, I put so much effort into that study, so much time, and I waited so long to finally get paid and now it's all gone basically.

I hate myself so much. I hate when I gamble when I'm tired and upset, I always lose so much. I hate when the people I love die. I hate when I mess things up for me and my family when trying to make things better. And I just hate this world nowadays, it's so depressing. I just want it to all end. The pain is unbearable.

Thanks for reading.