K1ll Me

As time has passed, my Mother's passing hasn't gotten better. I had a dream of a digital artwork file I've made for my video game Navigate Nudibranch, I thought that Mommy can see it, but in the dream I realized that she can't see it.

I woke up and went to sleep several more times, because sleeping is the closest thing to dying, it is better than staying awake in intense physical and mental pain. 

I had like 3 more additional dreams, and I remembered that artwork file each time.

There's so many things that I haven't been able to tell and show my Mom, and it sickens me. 

I want revenge on God, I want to harness the power of evil and destroy this awful world.

Or on the flip side, I can fulfill my dreams and work towards better in the world.

Gosh, I feel so robbed of time with my Mommy by spending so much time fixated on trying to earn money for the family this life is just so joky I think I want to get myself killy.

Oh and by the way, on my awakening, my right knee hurt like hell, and so did my mind because ever since losing Mommy I've been in absolute agony. So I thought to myself, "God k!ll me, bring me back to Mommy".

That didn't work so I said verbally repeatedly, "K1ll Me", "K!ll Me".
I can't d!e, it seems, and it's driving me crazy.

You know what, I think I'll try to become a famous music diva and earn plentifully and stack that money and make a legacy for my sibling family before I go 6-feet underly.

I'm 26 in 7 days, maybe hopefully I can soon d!e and become a 26 year old that's 6-feet under a road. 

And while we're on the topic, I'd like to be buried whole, if possible, but not before organ extraction, because I am an organ donor, but do leave my face intact, it's expensive.

Anyway, please contact 988 if you're feeling sad in any way. Thank you for reading today!
I took a photo of the clouds, it kinda looks like my mom giving me a hug, if so, Thank you Mommy. I love you too ♡♥︎♡♥︎♡

Update, I spent like 44 minutes alone outside, the pain is real and all I do is think about su1cid3, there's nothing but pain inside.

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