I hit the back of my head + Grief + Dreams

I was out with my youngest sibling outside, and then I went into the car to retrieve my phone charger, to which I then accidentally hit my head very hard against the roof of the car, that was like 2 hours ago but it still hurts like hell.

I also hurt the front of my head 2 times when my gaming chair swung into the desk twice two days ago or so.


Also, this life has been hell since I lost my Mommy. I had been thinking real hard about strangling myself or something last night while under my green blanket on my gaming chair. But then my youngest sibling opened the door and apologized and asked if I was sleeping. I was like, no, thanks.

Anyway, I then chat with some Instagram friend about my depression and stuff that was helpful.

What got me going with my depressive and suicidal feelings was reading back on older blog posts of when my mom was still at the hospital, and how I felt that I was ruining my family. It hit me how true it was, I am ruining my family, so then I felt like ending it.

Anyway, texting my Daddy today has been helpful despite our past.

My dream today had Mommy, her heart was cured by snake venom so she went back home with us.

Our Roof was fixed and it had a colorful Toys R Us logo on top.

To see if the medicine was working the doctors had to see whether or not she can locate our home. She unfortunately failed in locating the house.

Also, I had a pyschiatrist appointment at 4pm in my dream, so I told my brother about it.

Interestingly enough I had a real life doctors appointment today as a post-op for my breast augmentation, that appointment was canceled last month, but it would've been today if my insurance pulled through with that operation.

Before that dream, my 1st dream I had was of a movie that played at an academy about some dance team school, their suits looked glamorous, it was like full body silver leotards, long leg and arm sleeves. That looked so cosmic.

Also, in my 2nd dream, our apartment neighbor was being held at gunpoint by a police officer behind him as he was being arrested by an officer in front of him.

I also saw another neighbor that had a bow and a similar face of a transwoman patient that I saw at the Mental Hospital, in my dream memory.

Anyway, it really breaks me that I can only live with Mommy in my dream now, it makes me oversleep everyday, hoping for just a minute more with my Mom.

Thanks for reading.

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