6:08pm my Mommy calls

At 6:08pm, my mommy called through the white Toyota car my older brother was driving.

My 2nd eldest sister and I are the 2 passengers.

My mom called to say that she was getting sent to the ICU to help her breath, and that the nurses allowed her to give one last call.

I told my mommy, "I love you". And my siblings in the call said the same message.

The call was brief, but emotional. My brother than cried, inconsolable. I cheered him up by saying that she's getting help.


I feel, empty right now.

Yesterday, we visted her at Gainesville.

She was transferred from the local hospital to Gainesville a day or two later from her initial hospital location.


Earlier today I wrote this below,

The Roof is finally being repaired today, and the bad news is that my mom is still in the hospital, unfortunately. She had to go 4 days ago, we visited her yesterday, she was more sick than we thought, I hope she pulls through, it was a little more than just a cold in the end, unfortunately. She has difficulty breathing, but she has an amazing hospital staff, I really do hope she gets better. Yesterday was so, so emotional. 

The police showed up, I almost went to the mental hospital a 4th, but I talked my way out of it. They showed up because of my sad post on Instagram, me feeling so guilty and upset of not getting hired. I had felt that I let my family down. No matter how hard I've tried, things end up worse than before.

After the police showed up and left. My brother gets a scary update about my mom in the hospital, so then my eldest sister screams. 

We then visited our mom in Gainesville. I felt so, so guilty. I felt lile I was the reason that she was so sick. I felt like once again, I'm ruining my family with my failures.

Like, if I had more money, if I stayed in the mental hospital longer, than she wouldn't be in the hhospital. Because I just make things worse. 

Then my 2nd youngest sister got sad. She didn't want me blaming myself, and she's been having nightmares of me going outside and something bad happening. So then I cheered her up, and I'm like, I'm sorry, I didn't know you loved me so much.

So yes, we siblings basically all felt guilty about causing everything bad happening, but our mom assured us that it wasn't our fault.

At the end of the visit, we hugged our mom.

This month, has been a very sad month.
But at least the roof is being repaired.

I really do hope my mom gets better. 

Thanks for reading.

_____

After she called just now, I don't think she's better at the moment, and it scares me so much. I wish I could have done something differently.

My mom did tell me yesterday that she had gotten mold from the roof of the house on her face while on the ladder days ago.

She wanted to reassure me that it wasn't the cold I that I brought back from the Mental Hospital. So, that did make me feel a bit better.

Although, I still feel so bad.


Thanks again for reading.

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