I'm going through a hard time.



I had a bad night last night. I didn't even want to see the fireworks outside with my family. I instead isolated myself in a dark room for the night of July 4th. My ordeal is that it seems like I can't upload videos on TikTok anymore [ONLY PICTURES]. 

I stayed up all Night and Morn Backing up my videos, from 8pm, to mid 4am, then again at 9am.

This very well can be a shadow ban. I tried everything, friends. I'm not sure where to go from here, maybe I'll focus more on YouTube.

But taking 3 years to reach 10k followers, then this happens feels like being kicked out of a limousine and left behind in a pile of dirt by your colleagues after you've worked several years to finally build your status up in the company.

Hopefully, my ability to upload videos returns soon, but I have a feeling that TikTok in the USA as a whole is getting shut down very soon. 

I think it is only a matter of time.

I'm happy that I was given the opportunity to back up most of my TikTok videos before the nationwide ban.

I'm not too surprised by this stuff anymore, every time I come close to success, I fall back down into the pits of failure by forces beyond my control.

It happened with Facebook after they permanently locked me out of my account wich has a group following of over 13,000 members.

It happened with Instagram when they deactivated my account, 

It happened with Twitter / X when they deactivated my account,

and now TikTok is giving me the go around.

And not just with social media, but this kind of stuff happens in real life too.

I've lost multiple job opportunities, been fired, been injured, been hurt, wrongly accused, lied to, discriminated against, and I've also lost many precious things in my life. I can't get back.

I'll keep trying friends, maybe success would come out of this. My family cheered me up last night with some motivating talk, so that helped.

The reality is still quite challenging though, it feels like the universe is severly rigged against me. Like, I'm in an eternal realm of failure. Something about browsing through videos from years ago and seeing myself in the same position of an upward desperate climb has been deeply disturbing to me. Like, why do others become successful in less than a quarter of my time and effort? I'm I trying to hard, or I'm I not worthy to reach the next level?

This TikTok restriction of not being able to upload videos anymore after I finally reached over 10k followers is just the last straw.

Now I know that there is something up with this reality. But, that's good, if this reality is just a game, I'm going to keep trying to win it!

Thank you so much for reading.
Please stay safe.

If this has affected you, please call or text 988 to consult with a professional free of charge.

Thank you.



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