MintCoaTea

Earlier today, today LoneStarCasino gave me $100 SC, so that was pretty cool, it wasn't the 500 SC I asked for though. But I was greatful and I was eventually able to redeem $100.15. I eventually cancled the redemption to try and make more money, but I lost it after hours of trying to get it back up to $100 after losing it down. I felt very bad afterwards, I'm now speaking with my therapist. 3:23pm.

I restarted my subscription for Cleo loans which was basically my last $5.99. I then took out my approved loan of $20, which included a fee of $4.95. I go to Modo casino and make a $20 deposit and I lost it. The loan went to waste. I hate myself so much right now, it feels unbearable. At least I got some ingredients from Walmart about an hour ago, so I'm not completely useless.

OCD & finance is an awful mix, I always have a certain amount I need to save or earn to feel comfortable and at ease.  However, chasing money has been getting me stressed & unsatisfied lately, it's like a curse. I finally have a job, but the pay isn't enough.  When my bank had 50, not enough, 260, it wasn't enough, when it had 1,140K, it wasn't enough. The money just wasn't ever enough, thus I try to make more, crypto, puzzles, surveys, gamble, casino, content, so many tasks that my mind would scramble, I would mentally ramble, "not enough, not enough." Then I lose it all, now it's really not enough, but I pick myself back up and try again, rinse and repeat, I work 1 week, 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 6 weeks, back up again, then lifestyle creep, creep, balance reaches peak then back to zero tomorrow. I swear money is driving me insane, I've been chasing it all my life, yet I'm still in poverty, ha ha, irony, most definitely. I used to...

I deposited like $20 from my last $25 in my account, there was a $2.50 fee. I lost the $20 I deposited into GlobalPoker, the culprit was a ReelRiot game, just like last time at Chumba and earlier today at Chumba. I hate ReelRiot! I feel so destroyed and defeated right now and lost and I feel like I'm failing in life and becoming a stranger to myself, I feel like I should cease to exist. [If you feel similar, call or text 988.] I get a little closer to success, then it all collapses when I try to reach just a bit further. I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate, hate, hate and hate!!!!!!!!!

I'm losing my mind, I deposited $129 into Spree Casino, I made it up to $609, withdrew $500, lost the other amount. Deposited $129 again, lost that. Cancled the $500 redemption, then I lost the $500. I feel so sad!!!!! Update 4:47pm, I put $20 into Chumba casino in a desperate attempt to win back my losses, but I failed miserably ): I hate this! I want all these casinos to end permanently and rid these traumatic and sadistic games from existence!!! I put off buying shoes yesterday because I knew I'd have more money tomorrow, well now tomorrow is today and I blew it! I can no longer buy new shoes, I have to live with these broken shoes with the heels peeling off a bit longer I guess. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this!!! Casinos should burn down and be erased from all history and memory!!!!!!!!! Thanks for reading.

I forgot to mention that I found my Discover card on the ground near our car after walking back from my trip to the gas station with my sis. The card must of fell from me after buying McDonald's yesterday. I didn't put it in my Wallet at the time because I didn't want to get my wallet dirty with the greasy card. Also.... I checked my Wesfargo account and I said to myself, "has it been 90 days yet?" Then to my surprise, I saw the $325 bank bonus that I've been waiting months for, yes! Now I'll try to win today's losses back! Thanks for reading!