MintCoaTea

OCD & finance is an awful mix, I always have a certain amount I need to save or earn to feel comfortable and at ease.  However, chasing money has been getting me stressed & unsatisfied lately, it's like a curse. I finally have a job, but the pay isn't enough.  When my bank had 50, not enough, 260, it wasn't enough, when it had 1,140K, it wasn't enough. The money just wasn't ever enough, thus I try to make more, crypto, puzzles, surveys, gamble, casino, content, so many tasks that my mind would scramble, I would mentally ramble, "not enough, not enough." Then I lose it all, now it's really not enough, but I pick myself back up and try again, rinse and repeat, I work 1 week, 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 6 weeks, back up again, then lifestyle creep, creep, balance reaches peak then back to zero tomorrow. I swear money is driving me insane, I've been chasing it all my life, yet I'm still in poverty, ha ha, irony, most definitely. I used to...

I deposited like $20 from my last $25 in my account, there was a $2.50 fee. I lost the $20 I deposited into GlobalPoker, the culprit was a ReelRiot game, just like last time at Chumba and earlier today at Chumba. I hate ReelRiot! I feel so destroyed and defeated right now and lost and I feel like I'm failing in life and becoming a stranger to myself, I feel like I should cease to exist. [If you feel similar, call or text 988.] I get a little closer to success, then it all collapses when I try to reach just a bit further. I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate, hate, hate and hate!!!!!!!!!

I'm losing my mind, I deposited $129 into Spree Casino, I made it up to $609, withdrew $500, lost the other amount. Deposited $129 again, lost that. Cancled the $500 redemption, then I lost the $500. I feel so sad!!!!! Update 4:47pm, I put $20 into Chumba casino in a desperate attempt to win back my losses, but I failed miserably ): I hate this! I want all these casinos to end permanently and rid these traumatic and sadistic games from existence!!! I put off buying shoes yesterday because I knew I'd have more money tomorrow, well now tomorrow is today and I blew it! I can no longer buy new shoes, I have to live with these broken shoes with the heels peeling off a bit longer I guess. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this!!! Casinos should burn down and be erased from all history and memory!!!!!!!!! Thanks for reading.

I forgot to mention that I found my Discover card on the ground near our car after walking back from my trip to the gas station with my sis. The card must of fell from me after buying McDonald's yesterday. I didn't put it in my Wallet at the time because I didn't want to get my wallet dirty with the greasy card. Also.... I checked my Wesfargo account and I said to myself, "has it been 90 days yet?" Then to my surprise, I saw the $325 bank bonus that I've been waiting months for, yes! Now I'll try to win today's losses back! Thanks for reading!

I took out another $50 loan from the Dave app after it was automatically paid off earlier today plus the fees. So yes, I take (I ran into to cross the road, almost got hit by a light blue sedan) Anyway, I take out $50 again which had like $11 worth of fees. Anyway, I put the $50 into Chumba casino and lost it. What's worse is that I fell into a slight ditch because I was distracted by my phone when wslking to the gas station to catch up with my 2nd eldest sis. That really hurt my back, plus I didn't win in the end. Also, before my sis and I left I was bit by a mosquito on my cheek. Another mosquito buzzed by my right side when writing this. Also, I hate my life right now. Also, I was so ahead with my finances this week but now I'm back where I stsrted but worse.  I hate this!!!!! At least I ordered paper products, eyeliner and a snack wrap with my DoorDash gift card. Anyway, this financial situation sucks, why can't I ever win $20,000+ plus like those other people that ...

So I finally received $1,200 from my winnings at LoneStarCasino. They gave me a VIP coupon of $210 extra on a $699 purchase, so I took it. I made it up to $984, but still had to play through the rest. I lost it all down to $0.39. I blame Spinomenal and M2Play and Playson, those providers were just the worst. Especially that Sailor Moon clone game by M2Play, I was down to like $500, so I did $5 spins out of desperation, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. This was the time it didn't work. It gave me so many near misses to getting the bonus that it felt like torture. I was down to $120 from $500 something now. So then I closed LoneStarCasino and went to Winbonanza, they had some coupons such as $70 extra on a $200 purchase and about $50 extra on about $150. I brought both of them and lost brutally. I did mange to win the 4 free spin symbol super bonus on Hacksaw Gaming Epic Zeus. I was betting max bet of $3.60 per spin, and my bonus for the 12 free spin round was only like ...