Posts

3:29am I feel so depressed.

Image
Earlier, after my Mom's funeral I noticed that I finally received the incentive payment for the women of color study that I completed in February. It took a while but I was glad to finally receive the $155, my bank was hounding me for the overdraft fee, I had to get $45 in my bank that day to cover the internet payment. So then I deposited $140 into realprize for their $170 pack. Realprize offers withdrawals straight to debit card, so I thought that'll be a great solution to move my gift card to my bank account via prize withdrawal. I ended up turning my original $140 investment into $200, then I lost it down to like $10, then I worked it up to $150 over the course of several hours. I still had $15 on my gift card, so I put $10 into chumba casino, but then I lost. I felt bad, so then I decided to chase my losses by canceling my redemption and try to make $10 extra. I ended up losing my $150.16 down to $0.06 cents. Now I feel like killing myself. I was ahead, but then I felt the...
Post a Comment
Read more

More Love for Mommy

Image
Thank You For Always Being there For Me ♡ Watching your funeral was powerful in profound sadness, but remembering the good times and knowing that one day we'll be together again brought powerful happiness. Maybe one day will see each other again, but for now you're still part of me Mommy, you are my DNA, my Blood, my Love. I still don't accept your demise, I only accept your life, and I'm honored to of had shared that life with you, and I'm honored to be your daughter and have you as my Mother, and you better be able to see what I'm writing right now because it's so beautiful and it's making me feel emotional. I hope you feel my love and positive energy for you, Mommy ♡ I still miss your texts that end with a heart emoji ♡ Forever in my heart, my friend. 12 17am
Post a Comment
Read more

Family Lunch

Image
After my Mom's funeral, my uncle treated my family and extended family to Outback. My uncle's wife complimented my face, she said that my face is so beautiful, so I thanked her and said you, too. She also complimented my eyeliner and the drawing I made of me and my Mom. My Daddy liked the drawing, too. I showed the finished drawing to him first because he asked if I finished it, so then I showed him. Also, my uncle's wife liked how independent I was because I had my work phone. She said, you're like "Ms. Independent". I smiled, and I was like yeah. After that my father next to me at the table began to use she/her pronouns for me instead of he/him, so that so, so affirming for me and so sweet. For lunch I had seltzer water and fries and chicken tenders. There was an appetizer of brown bread earlier, I declined it cause I wasn't sure what it contained. My uncle's wife asked if I was trying to keep my figure, so I laughed. When asked about the bread later...
Post a Comment
Read more

Love You 4Ever Mommy

Image
Love You 4Ever Mommy Thank You For Always Being there For Me ♡
Post a Comment
Read more

Mommy's Funeral

Image
The family and I attended Mommy's Requim Funeral service. My Daddy was there and that calmed me to see him again. I did feel some anger and vengeance towards God and the world as a whole, so I smiled thinking about my plans of vengeance, but towards the end of the service I said Amen with the paster and the others. It was emotional seeing my Mom and her Mom in a box, but it was beautiful as well seeing them side by side again. My brother carried my Mom and my uncle carried my Mom's mom. When my siblings were crying during the service I felt so guilty because I knew that it was all my fault. But, after the funeral my brother let me know that it wasn't my fault after I apologized to him and my eldest sister while they were hugging. Also, my uncle's wife drove my siblings and I to the church because my brother was already there at the church with my father and they didn't want to delay, so we got a ride from uncle's wife. My elder sisters and I also got a ride in m...
Post a Comment
Read more

Funeral

Image
So today is my Mom's funeral May 19th 2026, so that's pretty sad. I wore the dress I picked out a week ago at the church.  I wore the panty hose that my Mom washed for me, I think. It smelt like her detergent. I also used lavender deodorant, lavender is her favorite scent and plant. Also, my eldest sister asked to borrow my stockings.
Post a Comment
Read more

I lost a free $88+ Dollars

Image
I lost a free $88+ dollars. I was playing a free $1 dollar on Zula casino and I worked it up to like $88+ but then I lost it down to like $9, then got it back up to like $50 something then down to $0.08 cents. Don't play the Hacksaw Gaming Games, they're break your soul. At least I got to test out my new phone's gaming capabilities to the max. Although, I think I lost the most money once I moved my gameplay over to my PC. Gosh, I got greedy, I tried to climb that $80 to $800 like last time. Gosh, the pain hurts so, so bad right now. Thanks for reading. 1:39am.
Post a Comment
Read more