MintCoaTea

I lost like $400+ in the last 24 hours, SpinBlitz $70 something, Megabonanza $50, Spree $130. However, I worked up my balance on those accounts. I really should have cash out. I worked up the $70 on SpinBlitz to like $140, the $50 on Megabonanza to $93+ and the $130 on Spree to like $283+ I feel so disgusted. I feel like ending my life even more now. 2:11am.

My siblings and I visted Mommy in the hospital this afternoon. Our two neighbors were in the Toyota with us, one of them drove us.  My aunt, uncle, uncle's wife, grandpa, cousins, came to the hospital as well. It was emotional. My mom was on life support. I told her that I apologize for doing bad stuff and underground stuff to make momey. I just tried to support the family. My brother was like, Alan stopped doing those things. I was like, yeah, maybe I'm not the crime boss I think I am. We talked to Mommy some more. Later, my brother discussed with us about the multi-organ failure and taking my mom off of life support. I couldn't belive it. I got so bad, that my aunt had to take me to talk to the nurse about what was happening with my mom. The news, it really hit me hard. All I can do was grasp my green blanket tighter when I was taking in the news. I asked the nurse to try everything to help her recover. The nurse told me something like "We're doing all we can...

My mom is dying in the hospital, today may be the last time I see her. I wanted to wear something she'd like me to wear. I wasn't sure what to wear, The black floral dress that she loves and loves to see me in, so much so that she washed it and hung it up on the girls room? Or do I wear black pantyhose and green short pants? I haven't worn that since Daddy told me to take it (the pantyhose off) off. That happened when I was about a young teen. I told my mom about that story with the tights and green shorts again last year in the hospital after I had my facial feminization surgery. I was like, "I was wearing green shorts and black pantyhose when I went to help Daddy at the door with the groceries, then Daddy asked Why are you wearing stockings? And then he told me that a man doesn't wear pantyhose, take them off." My mom after hearing that story, She told me "well maybe you can wear it now". That inspired me, so then while in the hospital I ordered gr...

I saw my brother collapse to the floor, then my eldest sister did aa well. Moments before, I heard that my brother say to my sis that Mommy's not doing well, she died.  Then a bit later I screamed fvck! I should just finish the job!!! My 2nd youngest sis was like, don't! Alan it's not even your fault. I then screamed again a bit later about killing myself. I felt a bit better after I talked with her on the phone, I thought she already died. I was able to tell her that I love her.

Today 4/8/2026, (well yesterday now) My siblings and I visted our mom in the hospital again. She finally accepted the blood transfusion, which was very helpful to my mental health, because the thought of her dying like that in the hospital was making me very su1cidal. I even briefly spoke to my therapist about my mom's situation and my su1cidal ideation. I felt so guilty that Mommy was sick in the hospital. I felt like if I had more money she wouldn't be in that situation. I even talked about how I was tempted to stab a pencil into my neck. [ Ironically I did accidentally cut myself while shaving my groin area in the shower before my therapy session. I wasn't sure if I was going to go to the mental hospital or not, so I made sure to shave my underarms, vag and bikini area. I ended up getting like 3 small cuts above my bikini area, due to the dollar store razor, unfortunately.] My therapist, she gave me helpful advice like going outside for a walk outside, watching videos, j...

10:38am, I won $53.22 on Fortune Coins off of the free $2.90 something I had collected, so that was pretty cool. I'm going to need it because I just put in an order to have my HRT transfered to a closer Publix and to have a refill as well, earlier today. The rep lady, she was so nice and patient with me, bless her heart. It all started with the Hacksaw gaming butterfly game. I got 3x butterfly scatters of a $0.10 cent spin, so that gave me $51 dollars, so I guess it was about 510x something multipler. Before I got the third butterfly symbol, I thought to myself, "one more for Mommy", and then I got the symbol, so that was beautiful. It's also 8th of April, the anniversary of my 2nd Mental Hospital admission last year, so it must be a sign of good healing to come. After playing some Western game called Bonus Hunter, I then went on to play a more femme game again called "Cloud Princess" that's whe...