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That's not like you

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A few moments ago, maybe 1:13-ish pm, on the way back home from Walmart,  my brother mentioned that we need to go at 1pm tomorrow (for the funeral arrangements).  So I told him that "I was just thinking about death 8_8" (I was literally just thinking that I can't k1ll myself before seeing Grandpa die, I can't let him out live me." Anyway, my brother and driver of the car, he apologized, so I let him know that I wanted to see Grandpa's death, then I'll feel fulfilled. I burst out laughing while talking about the possibility of seeing Grandpa die. I told my brother that Grandpa needs to die by this year, I've been waiting years. Grandpa is so mean, it's not fair. My brother told me, "That's not like you". I felt a bit bad, then let him know that things have changed in my mind, and that I used to actually feel sad that Grandpa was getting sicker, but now things have changed and I reminded him just how awful Grandpa is and I whispered th...
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Mommy Dreamy

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Mother's day is so painful when your mom just passed away 4 weeks ago. Walmart and Publix was so crowded last night due to last moment mother's day shopping. At Walmart a lady told us (my brother, 2nd younger sis & I ) "Happy mother's day".  So I thanked her because that was nice of her, even though it hurt knowing that this is my first Mother's day without my Mommy. However I feel that Mommy visted my dream today. She hugged me and that hug felf so real, I asked "I thought you died?"  She said "I didn't want it to end that way, so I pulled out my (breathing) tubes. I have a few more days left to live". So together we spent our precious few days, we sorted out clothes in the closet (I think I saw my prehistoric looking dress), we went to places and I think we were also documenting everything. It was so beautiful, and that hug felt like a proper goodbye.  Thank you Mommy, and Happy mothers day.
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I made hot cocoa

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I haven't made hot cocoa in a while, the one I made tonight tasted good. I used the Walmart cocoa powder that I usually use, the one that my Mom loved when she tried it a few months ago. Thanks for reading.
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I shaved with an E-Razor x I won $550

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Today I finally used the E-Razor I brought a few days before my Birthday, it shaved my face pretty well actually. Also, I played on GlobalPoker with 6 SC free play, getting $11 more to add to my $500. I canceled my $500 redemption at GlobalPoker earlier and redeemed a $200 instant payout eBay gift card. Then I played with the $311 reminder in an attempt to make more money, it ended horribly and I went down to $50 something so I played for hours to get it back to at least $150, then eventually while thinking about my brother telling me that $300 was needed by the 14th for Mommy's pawned jewelry, I won a $401+ bonus, so that wss pretty lucky. I then ate the McDonaldz apple pie I brought earlier, I waited till I made a redemption to eat it. I haven't had a McDonaldz apple pie in likr over 2 months, it tasted good. Also, I redeemed a $50 eBay gift card, bringing my eBay gift card count to $450. I also redeemed a $50 instacart gift card yesterday, made that $50 back to get a full $5...
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Redemption Troubles

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So I deposited about $100 into Megabonanza leaving only $5 left on my $200 visa gift card. I lost my money on Megabonanza within an hour. So then I canceled my Crowncoinscasino redemption of $321 in hopes of making up for that lost hundred, it didn't work anc I ended up playing my balance down to like $160-$180-ish, until I kept going and going and now I find myself still awake no sleep at 5:39am right now, but at least I worked my balance up to $404, so it was worth it and I made a withdrawal a few minutes ago. Ugh, thank goddess, I at least made my money back. Thanks for reading! Also, as a side note, someone placed a Canadian Uber Eats order of $25 CAD using my PayPal debit card, so that lead to my finances being a bit tight today, I had to change so many plans, and it's sad too because I waited / worked like a month to get my PayPal account up to $26 dollars, so many online projects and surveys, and only to have my money wasted by a stranger. At least I still had about $7 l...
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I won $321

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I deposited $94.99 into crowncoinscasino after I finally received my $200 gift card from doing a survey a little bit ago. I played some games and lost horribly down to like $40 something, then finally while playing the dog demon game I won $275, then withdrew $321. Thanks for reading!!
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I won a little more

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So against my internal thoughts telling me not to, I canceled my $450 something redemption at GlobalPoker and tried to make more money. I lost it down to like $380 something, so about $70 gone in minutes, until I won pretty big on the koi fish game making me up to like $513, so I played some more then I eventually cashed out at $502. Thanks for reading! Also, was telling myself internally earlier that I'm nothing like Mommy, I don't have her experiences, I'm just a useless clone. Then I unwrapped some of the dove chocolate that I got from the neighbor lady on my birthday and it told me to celebrate being me and the other message told me to be me.  So that was pretty inspiring. I'm more than just a clone, I'm much more ♡ I'm Alan, Mommy's daughter ♥︎ Thanks again for reading!
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