12:45am My sister is fallen sick

I called the ambulance for my eldest sister, she was on the floor in pain. My siblings and I helped her out the door in a wheelchair and the ambulance arrived swiftly. This is such a dark night. My eldest sister was fine half an hour ago before I left with my brother to pick up my 2nd eldest sister at her nightshift. On the way back, I arrive to my youngest sibling saying that sister is sick. I then see her collapse in the hallway. I was in so much shock. I consult with my siblings about calling the medics. My 2nd youngest sister advises me to call. My big brother notices my sister's worsening condition, so he informs me to call 911, thus I call and try my best to remain calm so that way the operator can understand me.

My brother gets my sister into a wheelchair and we move some stuff out of the way so she can exit the door in the wheelchair.

It's so shocking that she was fine like half an hour ago, then can't stand anymore, taken into an ambulance.

On her ambulance stretcher, I tell her, "I love you, thanks for everything ):

My brother tells her that he loves her, as well.

I'm now in the car with my brother to visit my sister in the hospital.

I'm convinced that my life is cursed. If life is a game, I'm in nightmare mode. If my sister dies, I might have to sue my side.

Please call 988 if you feel depressed.

Before going in the car with my brother, I went to the bathroom and thought to myself just how cursed my life is. Then I accidentally spilled a bottle of water over, so that made a mess on the floor, so I cleaned it swiftly.

I can't with the life, why is it so bad?

I think I jinxed this year, on New Year's, I said that 2026 is going to be the best year ever.

Well, so far in 2026,

my Mommy passed away, 

I've been to the mental hospital twice, 

the police showed up to do a welfare check multiple times on me, 

my mental and physical health has gotten much worse,

and now my eldest sister who basically is my 2nd mom, collapsed on the floor tonight and had to be taken into an ambulance.

I'm losing it.

I fact I had to have my face quickly just in case I go to the mental hospital tonight because I'm just not well right now.

I believe I've failed life and my family.

I tried with the money, I made money, but yet my family and loved ones still get sick and pass on way too early.

I'm definitely in hell. I think I passed away already, probably in March of 2017, because after that things just didn't add up anymore.

I'm not sure what's going in life anymore. 

If God exists, why would you do this God?
If Satan exists, I'm more lenient, but I wouldn't accept this type of stuff by God, if God is good, why are things so bad?

My whole life, I've sang the psalms, I prayed to your son, but yet you've betrayed me farther and it pains me so.

___

Updates, so my brother drops me off at the hospital and my eldest sister and I meet up with my sister, she seemed better, she was standing.

Later, she sits next to me and we say hi to each other. She was like, "Hi Alan, I was so happy to see you, I couldn't believe it".

I was like, thanks (: I was happy to see you, too.

We talk a bit and I let her know that she's going to get better.

Thanks for reading.

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