I lost another $14.99 x Sadness

Due to SpinPals, I've lost another $14.99 from my Chime Overdraft. I feel so sad.

Also, earlier today after my brother paid to extend my Mom's jewelry because he had enough in the end and it was only $148,

my brother stopped the car by Advant Health because he and my 2nd youngest sis was worried about me because I kept having outbursts of screaming and blaming myself.

They almost checked me in, but I talked my way out of it.

I felt so guilty that I couldn't pay for the storage and that I couldn't save Mommy, so guilty in fact that I wanted to end it all.

I told them that I was going to die 9 years ago, but I didn't.

Then my 2nd youngest sis said, "There's a reason for that".

I thanked her.

My youngest sibling talked about Plants with me on the way back home, so I thanked her for that because it was helpful.

Also, when I was telling my brother that I still have a bond with Daddy, I began to tear up. I was like, "I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I still have a bond with him ): "

My brother told me that it was okay.

I also talked about how I don't want a Christian funeral and I don't want to be cremated, and that I told my therapist that (earlier today).

My siblings understood.

I also told them if I die, it's not their fault. That freaked out my brother a bit, he was worried about me hurting myself, but I assured him that I'm alright.

Also, before the trip, my 2nd youngest sis got upset and bit at her hand after I kept blaming myself for Mommy's death and messing everything up. I was so saddened that I made her upset that I yelled outside very loud. That kind of made things worse, but we eventually calmed down. My poor youngest sibling was covering her ears because the drama was too much for her.

I feel like I've failed my family, no matter how much I try to make things better, things just get worse.

Please call 988 if you feel similar.

Thank you for reading.