Game Updates

I updated my Game Simple Octopus Swim Sim, and I added more coins and an additional color that the Octopus can change into, I added the color Lavender to honor my Mother because she love(d) the color lavender. 

Also, earlier today I dreamt about Star Lord of Guardians of the Galaxy letting the altar know of Gamora passing and making it adamant to write down everything that they knew about Gamora. I guess to keep her legacy alive. 

I also then dreamt about this brown lady at our house, I guess she did our hair and suggested that I take a warm shower with this other girl, Maya.

I felt honored to be able to take showers with the other girls, I felt so welcomed as a woman.

Although, in the end I took my shower solo.

Also, the bath temperature was at 103 degrees F. There was some confusion earlier between the hair lady and I. I thought she meant the temperature would be at 190 F., but that wasn't the case, as she said it'll be burning.

Also, Mommy was towards the end of my dream and I told her about my previous dreams. Mommy was beading together something pretty with these clear and colorful small crystals of brilliant colors, yellows, blues, greens, reds, it looked amazing!

I was worried about Mommy's early discharge from the hospital, what if she needs to go back?

Mommy then informed me that she has 5 days to go back or to live, or something like that, I don't know.

But anyway, I wake up while still in my dream and I scream very loudly! I then get out of my gaming chair bed and scream in the Girl's room.

That too was a dream.

I was screaming in my dream because I realized that Mommy isn't alive, and I start to remember her death at the hospital and all the despair floods back in.

This is too painful, the reality is too painful.

I wake up for real, and the I take a shower after spending about another hour in my gaming bed. Feeling sad about all that I've lost. I feel that gambling and the pursit of trying to make more money has destroyed my life instead of fixing me and my family's life.

My family is falling apart and it's all my fault.

I screamed out so loud earlier today after my brother mentioned my mom's funeral date.

I screamed, "It's all my fault that she's dead, I should kill myself and I will kill myself!!!!!"

I then ran a bit, then stopped to look at a flower, the flower reminded me of happier days.

I then reassured my eldest brother and 2nd youngest sister that I'm okay.

They threatened me with SMA (Mental Hospital) just like yesterday, but I talked myself out of it.

Anyway, my life is in shambles. Nothing much matters to me anymore and now it looks like we're going to lose the storage because the fee is due in like 11 days and I failed to come up with the money for it, and for that I must die.

Also, if y'all are feeling depressed too, please call 988. Thank you.

Additionally,

you Mommy for always being there for me.

Love you for 4ever, your daughter Alan.

4:39pm