Worst Week Ever

I should have stayed longer in the mental hospital. I've made so much money
doing online surveys for a long time then I gambled it, made $640 lost $640, made back $860 after taking out a $80 loan. Didn't get the $800
immediately. 

I lost my IG account due to suspension, then a roofer arrived telling my mom that there was nothing they can do, then The Water Bil was due asked my dad about it,
got into argument
with family, then I felt guilty 
and went to Mental Hospital.

In the mental hospital we talked about problem gambling, but ironically a flood of casino ADs played on the TV which was so triggering, gosh.

After 5 days at the mental hospital I received the $860, paid off the loan, paid for bills and groceries.

Gambled with the rest, made more eventually, had $800 coming my way.

I took out another loan, make $515 of of $50.

I withdrawal a $55 gift card to get dinner for me and my family.

The $515 turned to $460 something and that messed with my OCD, I needed it to be back to a $500 at least.

I end up losing the $460.
Then my $800 something arrives, I chase my losses, lose most of it, pay for groceries and brother's meds with the rest of it. Now I'm broke again and in $-200 more of debt, when I could of had like $1200 right now, sux. Then my b0ob surgery bill came in, the very surgery I was saving for, and it was like $966, so I could have paid for it.

The regret of it burns so deeply.

On the bright side, Donation money wasn't used in the financial massacre, the roof is now being contracted by someone who can do the job.

Speaking of job, I've been applying like h3ll to jobs, and nothing so far. X_×

Also, I had an accident during applying to jobs so I had to take a shower with dish soap and my skin is dry as heck now. This sux!!!! The worst hatred is the hate you have towards your past yourself from a week ago.
I just want a job is all, then I wouldn't be having to do all this crazy stuff and keep returning to the mental hospital, gosh.

Thx 4 reading!

#transgirl

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