I lost over $282, I hate myself.

I deposited $$$69.99 + 69.99 +69.99 into SpinBlitz, for the $98 dollar pack for $69.99.

I netted about an extra $90 in free spin cash.

My bankroll was like $296 which I took hours to turn it into $380 something, but I wanted to get to $400+ to clear off my loans and stuff, but then that ambition made me lose it all.

Also, when my SpinBlitz balance reached $80 something I deposited $74.99 into crowncoinscasino, which I lost.

Then I played my remaining $80 something still on SpinBlitz, which I lost.

I received the $424 yesterday from PlayFame on a $20 something dollar pack after lossing $9.99 from Kickr.

I lost heavily on PlayFame, down to anout $3, then worked up to $100 something then winning a Major jackpot on a bonus round on the BetSoft King of Social Media game, so that was pretty cool. I won it while on the toilet, too.

Lost dozens of dollars on the same game on SpinBlitz, didn't even profit.

It's so sad that I lost my money, I feel like a failure.

I guess it's not a total loss, though. About $282 out of my $424 I received today was spent.

The rest I spent on my family, groceries and the hotel.

My pain and embarrassment is overwhelming though, I lost $400 once again, it's all my fault, it's all my fault.

My mom and bro were talking about money in the car, then I screamed "Stop!!!".

That made my mom and bro upset that I yelled stop at bro.

I apologized a bunch, and I tried to explain that it was out of my control, and that the finances were stressing me out.

I was super depressed and feeling suicidal and stuff. Ironically I was thinking of my shaving accident under my neck last Christmas after I lost $400 on SpinBlitz.

Anyway, I was depressed,

My mom was like our plans would work out.

I was like, the plans won't work out.

My brother reminded me that my surgeries worked out, and that he didn't think I would be able to get them. So I guess he was happy for me.

I thanked him.

Anyway, the depression continues.

Anyway, anout an hour later, I'm like super upset that I've made my mom and brother crying and stuff.

I screamed, something like, "This is all my fault! And I deserve to....!!"

My mom was like, no!

Then she said a prayer for my brother and I.

She said amen towards the end, so I said briefly closed my eyes and said amen a few moments later.

My mom told us that she loved us, and I wss like, thank you I love you too.

I so hate gambling and my failed attempts at trying to make this situation better.

I guess it's not a total loss when I see it like this. I won $40 from a gambling survey, gambled that made $280 something on Pulz, gambled that and made $207 on McLuck and $424 on Playfame.

But hold up, I also helped my family financially a bunch this week as well, why do I feel guilty and disgusting??

Anyway, I'll try to move forward, roll my next move.

It is pretty ironic though how I just try to make a little more money, then I end up losing it all, like what???

Please call 988 if you're feeling suicidal as well. Thank you,

And,

Thanks for reading.


Stores we went to today, Publix, Lowe's, Publix, Circle K, 

McDonald's (I had to use the bathroom, it was past eleven the dinning room was closed. I held my pee in for hours due to trying to chase my losses),

Wawa (to use the bathroom).

Thanks for reading.

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