Mommy's on life support

My siblings and I visted Mommy in the hospital this afternoon. Our two neighbors were in the Toyota with us, one of them drove us. 

My aunt, uncle, uncle's wife, grandpa, cousins, came to the hospital as well.

It was emotional. My mom was on life support. I told her that I apologize for doing bad stuff and underground stuff to make momey. I just tried to support the family.

My brother was like, Alan stopped doing those things.

I was like, yeah, maybe I'm not the crime boss I think I am.

We talked to Mommy some more.


Later, my brother discussed with us about the multi-organ failure and taking my mom off of life support.

I couldn't belive it.

I got so bad, that my aunt had to take me to talk to the nurse about what was happening with my mom.

The news, it really hit me hard. All I can do was grasp my green blanket tighter when I was taking in the news.

I asked the nurse to try everything to help her recover. The nurse told me something like "We're doing all we can".

I felt so sad.

It's 11:39pm right now as I'm writing.

I talked about the significance of 39 with my mom by her bedside tonight, ammonites our favorite fossil, creature.

I talked to my mom about how much I love her and that I apologize for all the bad things I've been up to. ):

Emojis, we used to do that all thEmoji,

Here's a heart emoji for you ♡ Mommy.

11:42pm.

I sent this last text to Mommy just now.

"Love you always and forever, Mommy ♥︎".

That reminds me. I also thanked Mommy for everything.

I also showed her my green short pants and tights, a photo of it after I revealed it underneath my dress. 

Some hours before that I thanked her for hanging up the black floral dress in the girls room, that was very validating for me, and I thanked her for all her encouragement and support.

I feel so su1cidal, I'm definitely going to the Mental Hospital.

I told my siblings and aunt about my suicidal feelings, they were concerned.

I felt in better spirits about the thought of dying before Mommy, that way I don't have to see her die. My brother, he was very concerned so he talked to me, which was helpful.

I'm going to miss Mommy, so, so much.

Thank you truly Mommy for being my mom.




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