I lost $39.99

I lost $39.99 today in an attempt to chase my losses from yesterday and stuff.

My losses started after I had to repay $40 something dollars at CashApp loan, so then I tried to gamble a bunch to essentially make $40 something for free, but it didn't work out for me.

I took out my last $25 from my Discover card and combined it with my $20 spotme loan on Chime to buy a $39.99 pack on SpinQuest an attempt to make more money.

I had an internet payment coming up.

I manged to make about $70 something, but alas it wasn't enough. ThenI ended up turning that $70 something into $0.02. 

Also yesterday morning before I heard the news of Mommy dying,  I was playing online slots and I knew that I had to stop, then I saw a memory of Mommy's hand in the hospital.

Then some moments later I hear my older brother screaming and crying from the news he got on the phone. So then I closed my laptop to go check on him.

Hearing the news that my mom was dying was get wrenching, I felt so so suicid@l and so responsible and so guilty.

Right now, I feel just as suicid@l, even more so that my life just continues to get worse and that I couldn't save my mom and that it's all my fault.

I smiled briefly at the fact that I don't have to pay my wifi bill if I'm going to d1e anyway.


Thanks for reading. I think I'm getting admitted to the mental ward today.

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