I feel so depressed, I lost like $150

I lost $74.99 from gambling at McLuck the night of the 20th of November, then I tried to win it back with another $74.99 deposit, this time at Playflame, and same result.

I feel so ashamed, I've been saving up that money for a while now, and now I have much less money to use for my appointment on Monday, not to mention the bills.

I blame the bloody bills for this, I wanted to make more momey to pay them off, but no I ended uo loosing that money and now I have even less money to pay the bills with. Fck my life. I feel like just ending it all when this type of stuff happens.

Also, if you're feeling depressed, please call 988 for support.

I stayed up till 5:13am, till my last dollar was gone in my account on Playfame.

I've tried for hours to recover my deposited money. I've eventually made it back up to $119, but I tried to make it closer to my original deposit amount of the combined $150, but I ended up loosing the entire $119.

I haven't even had the chance to have dinner as yet, or take my Estradiol and Acetamphinophen.

I haven't even gotten to shower as yet, and it's the bloody morning now, and my underwear is also bloody because I'm not getting enough rest to heal from my surgery, all in the pursuit of trying to make more money.

I freaking hate money, I hate this economy, I hate rigged casinos, I hate the president, I hate that people hate my trans people and I hate how messed up the country is right now.

But most of all, I hate myself for keep falling into financial traps and not being ahead financially.

The anger of my self-hatred is indescribable, if I could end things, I will. But, I can't because I love my parents and siblings, and they love me. 

So, I can't take that love away from them. 

So I choose to live and keep trying to succeed in this world.

Thanks for reading.