Crying in the shower

I was like dry crying in the shower and even punch slammed the bathtub walls because I'm so sad that in the time of needing $400 the most, I don't have it for my surgery co-pay.

I had $180 today in SC at crowncoinscasino.com and lost it all in an attempt to double it so I'll have enough for surgery, same goes for the rest of my money. That's the bloody reason went to the mental hospital for 5 days a couple of weeks ago.

I feel so done, I really do hope they let me pay later for the upfront fee, or I'm going to cry so bloody much at the hospital.

The thought of how I don't have the money to cover my surgery made my heart feel like it was about to go into arrest.

I hate that God hates me, I wish that I was loved like the rest of his children, but no I'm delt a hellish card up my butt.

I've saved for surgery, I wanted to double my money and I bloody lost it all, and I lost my bloody mind. I feel so done.

God is like, happy bloody birthday, now go F off! I can't even get a job because no one would bloody hire me. Maybe I died, maybe I'm in bloody hell already.

Thanks for reading.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Swanson Ovarian Glandular WARNING! 9 Months on Bovine Ovary Transgender M2F Trans Feminization Review

Image
Greetings, this is a review of the Swanson Ovarian Glandular capsules. I've purchased these from Amazon in mid July 2020 because I secretly wanted to feminize my masculine body. When the pills arrived in the mail I was very exited and ran back to the house and discreetly hid the pills in my drawer.  We were going on a trip, so I hid the pills in my backpack. I soon took my first pill, at approximately 6:07 PM EST 7/27/2020 I'm not sure how the first pill was exactly, however, I had a schedule I would follow, and I would take about 1 or 2 pill(s) a day, then I soon increased the dosage to 3 a day. It wasn't long before I've consumed my first bottle of the bovine ovary pills, I ordered more directly through Swanson Health, I was afraid of running out of bottles, so I would just order more, and more and more. I've spent roughly $147.01 US Dollars in Swanson Ovarian Glandular Pills  from swansonvitamins.com alone.  The Multi-Glandular For Women tablets totaled ...
Read more

Nearly killed myself a couple of days ago by attempting self-castration, again.

Image
Though I nearly killed myself a couple of days ago by attempting self-castration, again. I'm feeling much better, thanks to y'all positive messages & family talk last night. Thank you all to those who have helped me with my difficult feelings and thoughts of mutilation and death. It is true that we can't risk death on doing self-surgery. These gender surgeries can be done professionally. Last night, my family discussed with me getting actual gender surgery in January after my spine surgery in November. I'm grateful that I'm still alive. Depression mixed with desperation is a true beast. It leads me to dangers ideas and actions. Please be easy on the negative feedback y'all, I take things very literally thanks to my body dysphoria and OCD. Like in 2020, when someone committed about me not being 'beautiful',  I took it to the extreme and took life threatening online-brought breast growth pills for 9 months straight  until I couldn't tak...
Read more

TransFeminine Failed DIY Castration Attempt Elastrator Fail.

Image
Greetings, Just to let y'all know. My DIY Gender Surgery: Surgical Supplies Unboxing Video I was going to perform self-surgery last night. The plan was to ultimately remove / kill my testicles. I've lost count of how many times I've attempted this. But, this time, I had the proper equipment. In my research, I've learned that many have bleed out or died. Thanks to lots of research and learning about animal castration methods,  I aimed for an alternative amputation technique. I was going to band and stitch together the top area,  creating a seal and blocking off excess blood from flowing out of my body. The lower portion under the seal, which would be the genitalia, would essentially die off from no circulation. After wound healing on the top portion, I'll remove the lower portion. That was essentially the safest and easiest solution. I had purchased a castration tool specifically made for doing this. I also received other medical supplies such as stitches...
Read more